


Physician, Love Thyself

by Ryuuto



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Feelings, Gen, Introspection, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-21
Updated: 2014-12-21
Packaged: 2018-03-02 15:04:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2816492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryuuto/pseuds/Ryuuto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Will tries not to let on just how high his standards are for himself or how they're slowly crushing him under their weight.  It's hard for him to open up about it when he's afraid that at any moment, it'll all come crashing down on him.  Yet, perhaps it's time for this son of Apollo to bleed a small portion of that pain off.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Physician, Love Thyself

**Author's Note:**

> I have so many things in the works for this ship, but this is the first I've finished. I'm probably gonna edit this thing when it's not 3AM because I'm sure I probably made a lot of mistakes, so we'll see what happens. Also, I'm not sure if I'm going to add to this or tie it into a bigger fic I'm working on. Decisions, decisions....

Will nocked an arrow, drew it back, and took aim at the target in front of him. After a breath, he loosed the arrow, then rapidly shot the rest that were in his quiver. A total of five arrows were clustered in the outermost yellow ring in less than half a minute. Will hung the bow from his shoulders as he walked over to inspect it closely, a deep, dissatisfied frown on his face.

 _’Kid, you’ve got the precision,’_ he could hear in his late brother, Michael’s, voice. _’I’d argue that’s the most important thing to have in archery. It’s just that you need to work on your accuracy.’_

He sighed in frustration. Michael had never said it, but Will knew that wasn’t the only thing he’d needed work on. His strength and speed had always been subpar for a child of Apollo. It took him half a second longer than even an average child of Apollo to send arrow after arrow into a target, and it would take maybe an arrow or two more to _kill_ a monster. Had Michael still been alive, he would’ve told Will exactly what had gone wrong for him to have missed the bullseye. Since his death, though, Will had to figure out where he went wrong all on his own. Maybe he was over critical of himself, but he couldn’t help thinking that if he had been a better archer, then perhaps Lee wouldn’t have died. Perhaps, if Lee had lived, then Michael wouldn’t have been lost at the Hudson Bridge during the Battle of Manhattan.

Will finished retrieving his arrows, and then went back to where he was to try again. This time, they clustered on the opposite side of where he’d shot his first volley. He tried again and again, too many times to count, and not once had he hit the bullseye. He came close numerous times, but he always fell short of the mark. Just like countless times before over the years. Every time, his heart both fell in discouragement and hardened in determination. Every time, Will wondered if maybe he should just give it up, but all he had to do was look at his siblings to know that he couldn’t in good conscience give up on archery. He _needed_ to teach them so that they could defend themselves, hopefully keep them from being killed when they were out trying to live a normal life.

“Nice shooting,” a familiar voice commented after Will’s latest volley had flown. He glanced back and saw Nico di Angelo standing off to the side, a respectful distance away in case of stray arrows. Will’s usual, soft smile graced his face as he waved aside the compliment.

“Could be a lot better,” he replied as he went to retrieve his arrows. Nico followed along so that they wouldn’t have to shout at each other across the range. Out of the corner of his eye, Will saw that there was a slight frown on the son of Hades’ face.

“How so?” Nico asked after a moment of hesitation, like he wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer. Will yanked out an arrow and slipped it into his quiver before responding.

“Other than not hitting dead center?” Will shrugged lightly and took another arrow out from the target. He examined the arrowhead for signs of damage or blunting, using it as a cover for coming up with a decision to either tell Nico the truth or ignore and avoid his problem. As the Head Counselor for Apollo Cabin put the arrow in his quiver, he knew that he couldn’t lie or avoid the issue with Nico. He’d always told the son of Hades that he could be as open with Will as he wanted about any problems or issues. He could trust Will to not make fun of him and to keep it between the two of them. This was the best way to show that he trusted _Nico_ to do the same.

It was hard, though. Only two people outside of Cabin Seven and Chiron ever knew that Will was so harsh on himself when it came to certain aspects of being a child of Apollo. Oh, the other campers suspected, but they’d shrugged it off as Will simply being a little down on himself. They never knew the whole story. They never knew just how hard Will pushed himself until he couldn’t push anymore. Neither did they know that, no matter how much blood, sweat, and tears were spilled to become better, he was always disappointed in himself. No matter what, Will just wasn’t good enough, and subsequently felt that he had failed his father and his siblings.

“My aim’s too far off,” he said eventually, tugging his third arrow free. “I’m too slow in nocking and aiming the arrows after the first one.” The fourth was added to his quiver. “The fact that I can just tug these arrows out of the target instead of cutting them is proof that the strength behind them isn’t where it should be, either, especially considering how long I’ve been practicing.”

Will slipped the final arrow into the quiver and glanced at Nico. There was a bit of a stunned look on his face, which was to be expected. Will’s description of all he’d done wrong had not only been casual, but very clinical and somewhat detached. He’d sounded like he was telling a patient that they had the cold and it wasn’t anything to worry about. He just wasn’t exactly sure if the patient he was talking to was Nico or himself.

“But you’ve hit the target near the center,” Nico said with a frown. “Besides that, you’re steady enough that the other arrows hit the same place as the first. Even I can see that.”

“I’m not accurate enough,” Will replied simply. “Sure, sometimes I do hit with both precision and accuracy, but I’ve never been able to make that consistent.”

“That doesn’t make you any less of a good archer.”

The son of Apollo’s soft smile, which had been ever present during their conversation, turned a little sad. Michael had always told him the exact same thing, especially if other campers tried to say otherwise. He could clearly remember the look on Michael’s face, how his brown eyes had flashed and his scowl got more pronounced whenever someone said anything inappropriately unkind about Will’s archery.

“ _You’re a good archer, Will,_ ” he’d said with the same kind of firmness Will got whenever he was dealing with an unruly patient. “ _I don’t_ care _that you don’t always hit what you aim for! The fact that you can hit the target with precision is all you really need. Dad would say the same thing!_ ”

“Either way, if I don’t practice, then I’ll get rusty,” Will told Nico, sticking his hands in his pockets. “Don’t worry about it.”

The son of Hades was obviously not convinced, but he also looked like he wasn’t going to push. A small, selfish part of Will was grateful for that. That part of him didn’t want to tell Nico or anyone else about his insecurities. He was a healer, supposedly the best in Camp Half-Blood, and if their healer wasn’t confident or distressed, then they’d lose faith in his ability to do anything. Will knew that he shouldn’t think like that. He was allowed to be human when there wasn’t a medical emergency, but his brain sadly wouldn’t listen to reason.

“By the way, you joining us at the campfire tonight?” he asked the Italian demigod. “I’m pretty sure I can keep Cecil from initiating another chocolate war tonight. No guarantees, sadly.”

“...Possibly, but if he starts throwing chocolate, I’m leaving,” Nico replied after a moment. Will’s smile turned into a real, cheerful grin.

“Fair enough! Sadly, I’d have to stay and make sure Clarisse doesn’t try to kill him. Again.”

Nico snorted when Will sighed dramatically, but there was a faint hint of amusement on his face. The son of Apollo gave himself a mental pat on the back for a job well done.

***

The next morning saw Will putting the finishing touches on a crude shuttle run course near the practice arena. He just needed to set the automatic stopwatch to start his shuttle run ‘trial’ in a five second countdown. It was an ingenious invention the Hephaestus kids years and years ago had created for anyone who wanted to do any timed exercises completely solo. The stopwatch was programmed for various types of activities, as well as a sensor that would keep track of how many times the person should pass wherever the starting or finishing line was located if they were doing runs. It stopped whenever the person crossed the line however many times they were supposed to and even recorded the times for each individual crossing. While Apollo’s children were one of the more common demigods to use it, Nike’s children seemed to _live_ by it. Will was constantly tempted to commission personal stopwatches for Cabin 17 in general, if only so that his cabin wouldn’t have to fight with them over the things.

He crouched down at the starting line, his blue eyes focusing as intently on the two empty band-aid boxes as his cat did when there was a bird outside the window. The moment the stopwatch beeped to tell him to start, Will was sprinting. He grabbed one box, pivoted, and ran back to place at the start. Then, he pivoted again, sprinting to grab the last box. He pivoted a final time, running for all he was worth back to the starting line to place the box next to its brother. When he crossed the line for the final time, Will walked over to the stopwatch and examined the face.

 _Too slow,_ Will chided as he examined his times. He reset the watch and did another run. Again when he looked at his times, he was dissatisfied with them. At the same time, Will could imagine Kayla rolling her eyes in exasperation at him, much to his slight amusement.

“ _Bro,_ ” Kayla had said to him once, “ _You have, like, scary endurance. Maybe you can’t outspeed anything that’s super fast, but you can definitely outlast them. That’s_ pretty freaking good! _Not to mention totally explains how you stayed on your feet the whole time we had that huge cold outbreak last year._ ”

Regardless, Will pushed himself to be faster. If he couldn’t kill the monster before the close-combat types could get there, then he needed to be able to at least get away to safety. All morning, he did timed runs, and only stopped to head to the showers when it was close to when ‘normal’ demigods woke up for breakfast.

Not once had he noticed the figure in the shadows nearby, who had been watching him with some concern.

***

Later that day, Will was in a rare moment where he was alone in the infirmary. No patients, no siblings, just himself. Whenever that happened, he couldn’t help letting go a little bit of his insecurities regarding his singing. While Will had no problems singing in a group, whenever he was asked to sing solo, he refused. Lee had been their best solo singer, not to mention having the strongest musical talent out of Cabin Seven. He couldn’t compare to that, and he definitely didn’t need people comparing him to Lee, either. He got enough criticism from himself.

Still, he took advantage of those days of being alone and sang whatever song came to mind. Even though he constantly told himself when he was flat or sharp or totally out of tune for that particular song, Will would keep singing until he felt his voice growing tired. It was perhaps the one thing he refused to push too hard on. If Will lost his voice, then his emergency healing power would be rendered useless. He couldn’t risk that.

“That didn’t exactly sound like something you’d listen to actively.” Will turned to look at Nico in slight startlement, who had apparently been standing behind him and listening to him for a little while. Once more, he marveled at how silent the son of Hades could be. Still, the son of Apollo smiled.

“My philosophy with music is if it sounds good to me, then I’ll listen to it,” he said good-naturedly. “Sorry if I made your ears bleed, Nico.”

Will got an odd look from Nico, like he wasn’t sure whether the son of Apollo was joking or being serious. He ignored it in favor of turning completely around to face the other demigod, leaning against the counter as casually as he could.

“So, is this business or pleasure?” Will asked. He hoped this was a social call and not a doctor call, mostly to have the excuse to break the slow day by conversing with his favorite Hades kid. The faint pink color that abruptly dusted Nico’s cheeks was unexpected, though no less unwelcome.

“Uh...well, I was a little at loose ends since I have free time right now. I thought maybe you might need a little help in the infirmary,” Nico said, glancing away. Will felt a grin tugging at his lips.

“Awww, were you worried about me being lonely? That’s so sweet of you!” He laughed when he got a glare in response. “Okay, okay, you can help me by taking stock of our medicine. Don’t worry about the magical medicine ‘cause I already did that. Just let me know what’s looking low or close to expiring.”

The son of Hades nodded and got started doing just that after Will showed him where they kept the medicine. He also showed Nico what ‘low’ in his books looked like, and that if he couldn’t pronounce the name of the medicine, then he could shove it at Will to put down on his list to give to Chiron. Afterwards, Will checked out how their materials for making magical medicine were doing. A moment of silence passed between them, broken by the son of Apollo writing down what needed to be restocked, either by his discovery or Nico’s.

“What song were you singing before? I’ve never heard it before,” Nico commented casually. Will finished writing down ‘powdered unicorn horn’ before answering.

“It’s called _A New Hope_ by Broken Iris,” the son of Apollo replied. “They’re a good band! Stop by Cabin Seven and we can pretty much loan you whatever music you want to try.”

“Music pushers, huh?”

“Addiction is a terrible thing, especially when we’re genetically predisposed thanks to dad being god of music!”

At that, Nico chuckled softly. Dang, Will was on a roll. Although, that roll stopped when the son of Hades asked the inevitable question.

“Why don’t you sing lead at the campfire?” he asked. “You sing really well.”

For a few moments, Will didn’t answer. This was the topic that would likely cause Nico to connect the dots and see that the Head Counselor for Cabin Seven wasn’t as put-together as he tried to appear. He could confidently tell someone exactly what was afflicting them and what treatment they should get, as well as direct his siblings to where they needed to be at a moment’s notice. He could confidently teach his siblings how to use a bow and arrow as well as develop their singing, athletic, and healing talents. Yet, in all areas but healing, he was always left behind by his siblings. Well, precognition and certain poetry curses as well, but that had a fixed strength in Apollo’s children. They were perhaps the only things they all shared in equal measure, though their precognitive abilities had lessened to nonexistence since their father got into trouble.

In a way, though, it would be a relief for Nico to see that. It meant that someone he wanted to be closer to could see all of him, good and bad. It also meant Will had one more person he could safely lower his own guard around.

“My voice just isn’t good enough for a solo part,” Will said eventually. “I have a lot of brothers and sisters who are better suited for those roles.”

He felt Nico’s eyes boring twin holes in his skull, but he ignored it. That selfish part of him was rearing up again, not wanting to admit the whole truth even to Nico. Will ran a hand through his shaggy blond locks, feeling guilty enough to at least admit _part_ of the problem.

“When you’re Counselor for Apollo, you’re kind of expected to have an amazing talent in music, and for the most part it’s true,” Will elaborated. “I just don’t have it. I could sing karaoke just fine with the rest of Cabin Seven, but put me in front of a mic with an audience of other campers? I can’t do it. There are too many expectations I’ll fail.”

There was silence between them, and he sensed that Nico was trying to think of something to respond to the admission. He knew the son of Hades wasn’t great at providing words of encouragement, but that was mostly due to lack of experience. Besides, Will thought that even though it was awkward and clumsy, it was still sincerely meant.

“Maybe I don’t have a right to say this, but...you’re better and more talented than you think.”

Will blinked in surprise and turned to look at the son of Hades, but his back was to the healer. He couldn’t help remembering when Lee had told him something similar. His brother had given Will a sympathetic look, like he knew that his little brother always set impossibly high standards for himself. Perhaps Lee had.

“ _Kid, your voice is a gift,_ ” Lee told him, “ _It’s just that it’s not supposed to move people to do awesome feats or inspire courage in them. Your gift is in healing and giving comfort to those who need it. It’s precious and rare, Will, so cherish it._ ”

He had a hard time ‘cherishing’ it when he couldn’t save two important people in his life, and that wasn’t even mentioning the countless other demigods he hadn’t been able to save during both wars. People always said that he was their best healer, but what good _was_ he when he failed so many people in an area he was _supposed_ to excel in? Why should Apollo be proud of _anything_ he’d done?

The silence between the two became awkward and tense until the time Nico had to help with sword training the newer campers. He’d looked like he’d wanted to apologize or something when he hesitated by the entrance. Will had smiled and told him to come back anytime if he was bored. Nico seemed a little encouraged by that and left soon after.

For the rest of Will’s shift, he was left alone with only his own thoughts for company.


End file.
